Monster
by Chiri-tan
Summary: Inspired by BigBang's new song Monster. He loved his family, he's not a monster. He was disappearing. The old him was disappearing. His family didn't need to know that. Not now, not ever. He needed his family, he's not a monster. They knew him. They knew him as what? A monster? No, he's not. But if this keeps up… everything will end. And he will die. He will disappear.


**Do all of you have that certain moments too, when you're so freaking mindblown that you need to write something? Well, I do. And it's because of BigBang's (my favorite boyband in the entire universe) new song: Monster! Check it out, it's so amazing!**

**Without further ado, Chiri-tan presents you to a new oneshot:**

**Monster.**

_What the fuck just happened…_

The guardians were all present as the Decimo ripped an assassin's head in two, cracking his skull with his gloves. "I think I'm sick…" He whispered solemnly, clearly not paying attention to the fact that he was standing on top of a pile of corpses.

Lambo hugged Gokudera as he convulsed. He was ten years old and the sight was gruesome. Gokudera too couldn't hold his own grounds and clenched his own fists until it bled. Yamamoto's eyes widened as he saw his best friend glimmering with the red liquid all over his body. He laughed, thinking that it was a tomato sauce and this was one of Mukuro's illusionary prank… but the way the male illusionist comforted Chrome while she cried made Yamamoto knew that it wasn't his fault.

Even Ryohei was quiet and gaping, while Hibari said nothing, clearly shocked with the weak herbivore's exploits. He just killed someone without any regret, did he?

"Guys…?" The brunet said as he drew nearer. "Guys, Tsuna loves you." A grin accompanied the statement, but, all of the guardians stepped backwards, clearly not trusting their boss anymore. Especially when those orange-colored eyes looked at the maniacally.

* * *

"Long time no see, Gokudera-kun, you've been doing better since the last time I saw you." Tsuna greeted him with a smile, but Gokudera-kun stepped backwards. His eyes flitted everywhere but his direction. "U-um, yeah, Tenth. I've finished my mission and came here to inform you that I'll be leaving for the next one immediately. Sorry to bother you."

The silver-head then run away. And Tsuna look downwards, clearly disappointed. "He… something is different with him these days. He's unusually cold…" He frowned. Tsuna wanted to ask him what happened, but he was always cut off. It's not just Gokudera, it's everyone. Even Yamamoto, the one he relied on emotionally, looked at him with a torn expression between pity and fear.

When the silver-head left, Tsuna had wanted to hold him off. But… won't it seem silly if he did that? After all, Gokudera left for Vongola's sake- for _his _sake.

The brunet looked towards his paperwork and sighed. This is useless. He couldn't concentrate. Maybe a nice play time with Lambo will calm his nerves down. He set out to the boy's quarters with a smile.

But, instead of being greeted with the usual smile and hug, Lambo trembled when he saw him. He took two steps back, retreating away from Tsuna. "Lambo…?" The brunet said, undeniably confused. "Stay away from me!" The lightning guardian whispered as he tried to hold back the tears. "You're scary!"

Lambo is… _afraid _of him? He remembered not five years ago he still called him no-good. It was driving him crazy. Did he do something that scared him? Scared everyone?

Dejected, Tsuna left and eventually arrived in the flower garden in the Vongola headquarters. Chrome tended to this garden lovingly, claiming that she loved baby breaths as much as she loved lotus flowers she also tended by the nearby pond. The Decimo sat down in the middle of the flowers and looked towards the sky.

"They're looking at me like I'm some sort of monster, haha." He laughed dejectedly. He seriously hated it. It was scary. It was like he had changed from before. But… he didn't feel himself changing. Could it be possible to think that the old him, the old Tsunayoshi Sawada will have to disappear when he himself didn't think that he was changing?

When he wondered even more, trying to think of it deeply, tears leaked from his face as he laughed. His guardians, his family, all of them will leave him. "If it continues on like this… if it ends like this… I will die when they leave me…" He said amidst the sobbing and laughter which escaped from his lips.

His hyper-intuition sensed someone, and true to his words, Chrome was nearby. She was hiding behind one of the nearby trees. It was saddening. Tsuna could still remember the day he and his guardians threw a picnic mat here and said that they will together forever no matter what happens, and they will be happy in sad times as long as they're together. They won't say it these days. But Tsuna was still thinking of those words even now.

Weeks passed, and Tsuna now felt like he was leading some strangers instead of his own family. It felt like a capital punishment, where nothing runs correctly because they weren't what they were before. He started to hear voices from the back of his head, and it drove him insane. It was like an incurable illness. An illness that occurred because he had no family to be with him.

Previously, if there were people that judged him, he thought that he'll be fine as long as his family is still with him. But now, everyone is looking at him the same way those judgmental people.

The torture dragged on. Nobody helped him. Nobody approached him as the voices in the back of his head screamed at him to lose control. He felt like he was a monster and he was in the verge of killing the people he loved the most.

He loved his family, he's not a monster. He was disappearing. The old him was disappearing. His family didn't need to know that. Not now, not ever.

He needed his family, he's not a monster. They knew him. They knew him as what? A monster? No, he's not. But if this keeps up… everything will end. And he will die. He will disappear.

_"They abandoned you."_

They didn't.

_"They don't see you anymore."_

That's not true.

_"They're scared of you."_

I love them.

_"If you let me be in control, I'll fix everything for you."_

You won't.

* * *

Yamamoto and Gokudera stood in front of Tsuna's bedroom. They are worried, but they were too afraid to go inside.

The brunet hadn't been out from his room for weeks. He did all of his work flawlessly, of course, but he didn't even eat or generally do anything outside of his room. Their bedrooms were self-sustaining, but the wriggly cursive and the faded ink in his signature convinced the rain-storm pair that their boss stopped doing anything but paper works.

That was when a certain fedora-wearer came from a long-time solo mission and smacked both guardians in their head. Reborn knew what Tsuna had done, and he was rather taken aback. But unlike his guardians, the man actually thought that Tsuna was deeply in love with his family to the extent that he was losing his sanity because none of his family was there for him anymore.

Reborn forced open the bedroom and entered, Gokudera and Yamamoto trailed behind him like lost puppies.

What greeted them was blood in a handwriting they all were familiar with. The walls, furniture, and generally _everything _were covered by the same phrases.

_Don't go, Don't go, Don't go, Don't leave me  
Don't do this, Don't do this, Don't do this, You don't seem to be yourself  
Still far apart, With love still divided_

_Don't look for me, Don't look for me, Don't look for me, Don't look for me  
Don't do this, Don't do this, Don't do this._

Yamamoto and Gokudera were struck, and so was Lambo, Chrome, and Ryohei, who came to sneak a peek. They didn't think that their boss will be this… _disoriented. _They didn't think of the consequences of their action. Sure, they are afraid, but… what will happen to Tsuna if they all distanced themselves from him? This question never crossed their mind until now.

"Tsuna." Reborn called to the young Decimo, who sat in the corner of the room with his blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon. "Tsuna." The hitman repeated again as he drew closer to the brunet, who didn't seem to see him. Tsunayoshi Sawada they knew was clumsy and wimpy, but when he was the Vongola Decimo they knew, he also has the kind and caring side. This brunet in front of them was neither.

The brunet looked so little and thin. There were bags, darkened circle, under his bloodshot and widened eyes. He looked deathly pale and malnourished. But the most pitiful of all was the fact that he was trembling hard as he clutch his head with his trembling hands, rocking himself back and forth. "Please remember the me that stood next to you. Please don't ever forget me." He chanted again and again and again.

All of the guardians present was trembling in regret. _This _was their doing. _They _did this to their boss.

"Tsuna," The hitman crouched beside his student, who didn't react after seeing him. "Oi, no-good Tsuna." When Reborn was about to hit the brunet on his head, his eyes turned orange and he kicked Reborn on his chin.

The guardians were all shocked. They all knew those eyes. The eyes of the killer they saw all those months ago. He looked straight at them with maddened and wide orange eyes. "He loves you," he said with a certain confidence and anger they never knew their boss possessed. "He's not a monster. He was disappearing. Tsuna was disappearing. His family didn't need to know that. Not now, not ever." The brunet narrated coldly. Gokudera instantly knew what it was. This was… this was what the Tenth was thinking.

"He needed his family, he's not a monster. They knew him. They knew him as what? A monster? No, he's not. But if this keeps up… everything will end. And he will die. He will disappear." Chrome hid her face behind her hands, ashamed that she did nothing to comfort her boss because of her own cowardice. The same thing occurred to Lambo, who was frozen in place as he remembered that he had hurt Tsuna-nii deeper than anyone else in the room by saying that he was scary.

"And now here I am, and gone he was. He didn't even remember what he did, all that was in his mind was to protect you guys. Aren't you happy now?" The orange-eyed man peered at them, clearly angry. "You made him disappear, and now you have no one but a monster in his place. I think I'm sick, I'm sick of you guys." He lit up a dying will flame. It wasn't calm and gentle like their boss' flame, it was… the flame of wrath.

"I am a monster, and I am not forgiving."

The next day, the Vongola was no more. And the one who killed the entire family wasn't even a person, it was a monster. A monster named Tsunayoshi Sawada.

* * *

**Pheeew. That went longer than what I expected.**

**Um, please review? XD**

**Your friendly fangirl,**

**~Chiri-tan**


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